Written by Fay, edited by Salma
It’s no secret that being a single parent is tough in any kind of sense: timewise, logistically, emotionally. There are certain limitations which are hard to cope with. This text should give you an input on how single mums might think, of course we can’t speak for everyone but it’s a mixture of opinions we heard during conversations with single mums as well as own experience.
What single mums don’t want to hear….
1) He (the father) isn’t worth it, be happy he is gone
No, I don’t agree, I want my kid to grow up with both parents. We don’t have to be a couple for a lifetime but we are parents for a lifetime, like it or not.
2) Why would you want to force him (the father) to take responsibilty
I am not forcing anyone. Why is it always the responsibility of the mum? It always takes two people to get there (except for women who choose artificial insemination) We are all adults and need to take responsibility for our actions, that’s it.
3) My husband/wife (or partner) is gone for the weekend, this will be very stressful for me!
Don’t even dare to say this to a single mum who is 24h (!) with her kid. A weekend is peanuts, stop complaining and pull yourself together!
4) Didn’t you know what you were getting yourself into? / Isn’t that what you wanted?
No, I didn’t. No one is ever really prepared for parenthood, single or not. Let me complain if I feel like it. I need to be a role model for my kid 23h a day, so give me this 1h to vent.
5) I slept all weekend
I don’t want to hear it, enjoy your freedom but don’t rub it in. I hardly sleep during the night, and not because I am partying…. So please, do me a favor and keep that for yourself!
6) My parents in law are just so annoying
I get really jealous when I hear that, my parents and family are far away, not to mention parents in law. Be happy you have someone around to help out once in a while although they might not treat your kid the way you exactly want them to.
7) Why don’t you try xyz with your kid
Please save your educational tips, I am trying to survive, that’s all.
8) You are selfish to get a kid on your own
I am not sure you understand what selfish means, this is hard work. If you would like to see what it’s like I am happy to lend you my kid for a weekend.
9) I don’t have time for myself
Me neither, not one second. My day is full with running around to be on time, but I am still arriving late everywhere. In my opinion single mums are the best organized species in the world, we can definitely learn from them.
10) I feel sorry he left you
Why does everybody think the woman has been left? It might just have been a mutual decision. Nobody has to feel pity with a single mum, she knows what she is doing.
If you want to support a single mum the only thing you need to do is listen, visit her (because she is not flexible), bring some snacks and have a good chat. No “good” advices, no judgemental talk, no blaming, nothing like that, just some empathy, time and good vibes.
3 thoughts on “What single mums don’t want to hear…”
My personal pet peeve is the question I always get when I say I am a single mother of 5 “do you work as well?” as though I am defined by whether I make money working or I just work 24/7 for free (or for government benefits and the sporadic child support payment here or there).
Great article!! Good job!!
I would add one extra “nice comment” that was bothering me even since I started telling people that I was going to be a single mum by choice: “Ohhh! You are so brave!!!”….. Please, don’t say that, I can’t hear it anymore… I know they mean it as some kind of compliment, but I don’t feel identified at all… And then I feel forced to explain, once again, that I simply chose the most confortable option for me… It’s was a personal choice, you don’t have to share it, but please, don’t try to flatter me using this “default answer” because I don’t feel flattered…
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Thanks for your comment. I always felt solo pilots, single mums, mums basically whatever you wanna call us were really brave. But i’ll keep quiet now. You have a point there!
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